I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring.” So I got her nothing.

Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Aw, don’t cry, it’s just a joke!

Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He took a couple of days off.

Family Joke

Why did the family bring a ladder to dinner? Because they heard the meal was on the house.